On Fat Thursday

Polish Faworki or “angel wings”, Wiki Commons

Today is 'Fat Thursday', a traditional Christian feast marking the last Thursday before Lent, a shortened form of the Old English word len(c)ten, meaning "spring season".

Now mostly celebrated in parts of Germany, Spain, Italy, and Eastern Europe, Fat Thursday is dedicated to eating, overindulgence, and celebration. Hoorah! In Poland, where today is known as Tłusty Czwartek, people will have been queuing outside bakeries to gather up traditional Fat Thursday foods such as Faworki or “angel wings” (pastry with sugar), and Pączki (huge doughnuts filled with rose hip jam). Syrian Catholics celebrate today as 'Drunkard's Thursday', and, in many places in Rhineland women stage a 'ritual takeover' of town halls and also cut off men's ties, which are seen as a symbol of status; days of revelry before the deeper, more reflective, days of Lent. The World Turned Upside Down.

And today, and the days that follow up until Shrove Tuesday/Pancake Day, are also an opportunity to joyously use up all the fatty and sugary food that help us to feel cosy and warm in the winter so that we can give ourselves a 'spring clean'. We so often think that we should give up all these foods for New Year when we are still deep in the winter dark but we are setting ourselves up to fail. That isn't what our bodies or spirits want in the winter. This is the time; when the earth is letting go of her winter blanket of fallen leaves, which have rotted back to feed the new, and fresh growth is appearing from the bare ground; all those hot little plants; cleavers, nettle, chickweed, dandelions, jack-by-the-hedge, little spring saints coming to wake us up from sluggish winter sleep. But we need to be stripped back to bare earth too, both physically and metaphorically,and that is Lent ~ Enlentment, Enlivenment, Enlightenment.

It is very easy to be angry with Christianity, so threaded through with 'power over' ways of thinking, with Imperialism, with patriarchy, but then we live in a culture that is addicted to anger. You might say that anger has become as addictive as sugar. I was angry with Christianity for decades, and often I still am. It is so often more Herod than Christ. But there is so much beauty in it too; the absolute determination to love, to demand justice for the poor and oppressed, to be a force for good in a world which contains so much of the opposite; to act justly, walk humbly, love mercy, often at personal cost. And we need much more of that. And, increasingly, Christianity considers 'justice for the poor and oppressed' to include our Mother Earth and non-human beings, having been used for so long to justify the separation of earth and spirit (oh, and God was referred to as 'She' in the sermon we had at church last Sunday, and not for the first time either). There is much mending to be done, and finding beauty on the other side of anger is part of the mending, that we might all honour, love, and respect one another's paths more deeply, and find our own enhanced as a result.

And so we come to Fat Thursday. The pre-Lenten season, which will continue until Ash Wednesday on 6th March, is not a time for self-denial but for considering what makes life sweet, and yet hidden within it is the seed of the coming Easter story; the crucifixion, the empty tomb, and the Resurrection ~ a journey that all life is making now, and we with it. In these days leading up to Lent we might then consider what it is, whether food or some other habit, that keeps us 'locked in a tomb' and prevents us from being truly alive, how we might better live a Risen Life. These are the things that we may choose to change during our Lenten journey to come. How might we prepare for the Returning Light?

Becoming Prayer

(Photo: Jacqueline Durban)

The most blessed result of prayer would be to rise thinking,

“But I never knew before, I never dreamed.”

(C.S.Lewis)

I find Her in the psalm of sun on skin,

in turning my face towards the light in early spring,

in the honeybees who worship at the altar of our cherry tree,

in crow's dark wing against the vivid blue of sky and sea.

It's then I know that prayer is in my bones,

in my cells dividing, quickening, allowing space

for the never-ending wilding song of grace

that breaks through winter's frozen state

and sets my bloodsongs free to sound and shine.

I know that sister starling prays Her better still than I

with whirr and click that cleaves the day to life,

her feathers gone to stars, and yet I try

to find the words for how it feels

to see the first petals against snow

and what that means to light,

to fall in love with what wind means to wings,

and peace to night.

And this black ink I use to write is whispering cormorants

I wonder just how deeply I can dive...

(Jacqueline Durban, 27^th March 2017)

Hare-heart ~ a Poem for Spring Equinox

'Beneath Her Robes' by Kay Leverton. Find her at https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/KayLeverton

How bitter sweet the snowdrops' lucent leaving

Frosted flames returning to the earth

To be held in hope as winter's cherished children

Gathered in darkling dreaming round the old year's embered hearth

As jackdaw comes with ice blue eye and silver gleaming

In winter-winged devotion to spring's rebirth

In untamed form, Melangell drums our aching

Wild lands prayer made woman, sanctified by honey and by hare

Her chapel is our ground of adoration

Our suckling hopes protected by the tresses of her hair

As her fleet-foot lambs spin the triskele to waking

And hill and valley echo to her prayer

Hare-hearted woman, devoted and defiant

One unto herself, though chased and run to ground

No hunt can halt the wildfire of the springtime

No snare bind up the sweetness where her rebel grace is found

And the outcast soul finds sanctuary in her silence

The hallowed place with which her spirit's wound

How bitter sweet the snowdrop's lucent leaving

We might close our eyes and miss their transient sea

But the seductive spell of winter's ours for breaking

Swept on a warming tide of celandine and bee

And Melangell has no time to mourn the snowdrops

Her wish, her spell, her prayer, to set us free.

(Jacqueline Durban, Spring Equinox, 20^th March 2017)

Kay Leverton ~ find her at https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/KayLeverton

'Safe in Her Arms' by Kay Leverton ~ find her at https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/KayLeverton

All images used with permission by the artist. Thank you so much to Kay!

Days of Small Beauties

Waking to blue skies and sunshine for several days in a row. I love that feeling of waking up and being excited at the thought of the sun on my skin.

The wild imagination and delight of small boys when they are offered a story all of their own.

That the world seems to have exploded with spring wild flowers! On Friday I visited the churchyard of St Mary's, Plaistow, a favourite wild flower haunt and found snowdrops,my first bluebell of the year, red deadnettle, celandines, primroses, narcissi, crocuses, daisies, green alkanet and then off to St Blaise's Well where I spotted wild red currant, cow parsley, more snowdrops growing perfectly by the Candlemas well, and tiny sweet violets. And not to forget the vibrant green of baby nettles and cleavers, come to wake us up for the spring! Bliss on earth.

How happy~sad and grateful I feel when I see celandines, of which I see many these days. I grieved deeply for celandines when Will died and I lost the boat, as celandines had been such a beautiful sign of spring, and that matters on the water where the winter is often so hard. I didn't remember ever having seen any other than by the water and felt deeply sad that they would no longer be part of my spring. And then, last year, I found a patch of them in a park and now I see them often; yesterday quite near my house! I feel blessed by the memory that they stir and by the glossy sunshine beauty of their petals.

Discovering that female yew trees have flowers and that great clouds of pollen float from them when the breeze takes them! Beautiful!

Sun and shadow on yew bark.

Being in St Mary's churchyard at just the right time to catch someone unlocking the church for a moment and letting me in too explore. I have never found it open before and have had to be content with pressing my nose up against the glass door. I very much dislike churches being locked and it was stunning inside; beautiful stained glass windows, a glimpse of something in one of them that I decided was Fly Agaric mushrooms, and the most beautiful high altar. Also a lovely child friendly thing they have there called 'Twinkles', and a massive collection of soups in a fabulous book for £3. I loved it and I felt norty being inside!

Spending a few moments filling my ears, my heart, and my soul with the song of a wildly singing little robin and hearing the response of another robin far away. I became very aware of the sound-web of communication and song that birds weave around the planet. Powerfully beautiful.

How nervous people get when they see someone standing still in an alley staring up at the sky ~ you know they want to ask what you are doing, and I would have shown them the robin, but of course they didn't. This is England.

The sun shining through the leaves of white crocuses.

My second visit to St Blaise's Well and, this time, having more of a sense of where the true well water runs from and taking two red roses as offerings; one given to the well and one to a yew tree. I loved the clear flow of the water, how it tumbled in a shallow stream around gently rounded stones, how tiny green plants have begun to grow in its waters, how deeply it sings of life and all that is holy and wild in our land. I am so blessed to be able to go there.

That, when I left the house that morning, I hadn't been sure whether to go to the well as I have so much to do and then I opened Sharon Blackie's new book, 'When Women Rose Rooted' and the first thing I read was a poem about wells and how we have to 'return to the source', so I did. And that is the simple magic of the everyday.

From 'When Women Rose Rooted' by Sharon Blackie ~ everyday magic!

More drifts of tree pollen, this time from a Twisted Hazel. I'm not sure that I have ever seen tree pollen before!

A jaunty hello from a man on a tractor!

A flurry of lovely feedback about my tarot readings, some of which made me tearful, and how generous people are to me.

Coming home to find a mystery package containing sweet and thoughtful wonders.

Unexpectedly receiving just the right money in the post to pay for the crow snacks that I had just bought for them. Beautiful abundance.

Powerfully deep, real, and vulnerable conversations with Himself; such love and wild trust, in ourselves and in Life!

Spending my days unearthing layers of memory and clearing away cobwebs and old ghosts. This is the work.

Today's Small Beauties

The first blackthorn in bloom

Being woken by a phone call from Himself, who was up ridiculously early and full of determination and much vim!

A lovely offer from some good and treasured friends which makes me feel supported and that all will be well.

Leaving the house to what felt like the most beautiful early spring day. I remember writing when autumn was just beginning and then spending so much time trying to describe the beauty of the winter light. Writing it down, seeking out just the right words to convey the moment of beauty, makes the turning of the seasons so much more real somehow.

Having just enough cash to get a lovely cup of coffee from the teeny newsagents near here; yummy and good for warming my hands.

A wonderful encounter with one of the Woolwich starlings, who seem to be particularly cocky and confident. This one was sitting on the kerb right where buses stop every few seconds and so hundreds of feet are constantly moving. A boy of about twelve was fascinated by him, moving closer and closer, not quite believing that the starling wouldn't fly away. And yet he didn't. He stood there with his wings slightly out, as though challenging everyone, and then just walked along the kerb, hopped down into the road and walked on his delicate legs to the other side, all watched by the boy. It was lovely to witness that moment of wonder and intimacy, and the starling made me laugh.

Reading a beautiful and thought-provoking book on Celtic Christianity.

Spotting a little chaffinch in a thick and tangled hedge.

Strong times with the small people today. Using Amy-Rose, the Small Beauties Bee, and the Big Love Little Sista Goddess cards as inspiration to create our own powerful visions of ourselves. The Queen of Friendship and the Lioness of Courage have been born and shared far and wide and it was lovely to see them believing that they had something important to offer. Little Sistas helping their Big Sistas remember what it's all about.

Amy~Rose, the Small Beauties Bee

Whispers of spring; alder catkins and the first blackthorn blossoms.

Alder catkins

Blackthorn blossoms; like a string of fairylights

Blackthorn blossom

Coot feet.

A pair of Canada geese exploring the river bank in a slow and meandering way.

Meandering

Re-redding my hair and the knowing that by the time I feel to do it again life will be very different.

Sharing of fear and vulnerability, and bravery and honesty. These are deep journeys of wounded places with fragile scars not quite healed and threatening to break open. Trust holds. Love heals.

Blackthorn flowers above the riverflow

Today's Small Beauties

Waking to wide clear blue sky, sunshine, and birdsong.

The green tinge of new life waiting to burst into being surrounding the rowan tree; an aura of spring.

Himself drumming me into the day.

Tea drinking and conspiring; we have an 'aura of spring' too!

That it was warm and bright enough this morning to sit with the door open for a little while.

Some quiet hours to work in with a cat sleeping deeply nearby; sweet peace.

Discovering the concept of being 'coot conscious', which is about limiting computer time. Hoorah to that. It reminded me of my time living on the boat when I saw how fierce coots can be in protecting their territory.

By Tony Hisgett from Birmingham, UK (Coots 1c Uploaded by Magnus Manske) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Asking for help.

A cold, dark night with high, bright still-winter stars.