Sunday, 15 January 2017

Everyday Enchantment ~ Ivy Magic and the Blessing of Hot Baths

A universe of ivy, November 2015

Today has already brought many blessings. The first was allowing myself a long lie in with my new husband sleeping softly beside me. The second was getting cold and damp when I went into our garden to feed the birds, which is one of my favourite moments of the day. I enjoy ritual that is lightly-held and my current morning observance is to first take seed and water, sometimes an apple or some cheese, to the waiting doves in the garden. The starlings are always waiting too but prefer to be clandestine about it. It feels both tender and important to feed the birds first thing on winter mornings, whilst I wait for the kettle to boil. Whereas in the summer and autumn they might visit the bird feeder briefly and then fly to richer spoils elsewhere, in the winter months they tend to gather; doves, starlings, blue tits, wood pigeons, magpies, jackdaws, sometimes a red-belied woodpecker or a wren, in our cherry trees and look for all the world like a 'Council of Birds' discussing the merits, or otherwise, of the day's offerings. If there have been none until lunchtime I feel chastened. I would much rather feed the birds first thing and not feel the weight of their disapproval. And I do so love the featherkin and take joy in the connection.

Yesterday, I had occasion to visit a large supermarket, which I dislike doing, and noticed that a starling was trapped inside, flying from one side of the cavernous store in a panic of wings. I raised this with the staff there who told the 'kindest thing' was to kill it, as it was scared and would also set off their security alarms during the night. I felt that death would not be the 'kindest thing' and told them so. They were unhelpful and I spent the part of the evening contacting the RSPCA, RSPB, and the supermarket's head office. I am hoping that the starling has now been safely rescued. I hope. And yet in those moments in the supermarket I felt the tiny beating heart of the star-feathered starling as though it were my own and felt as taut as a fiddle string all that evening. I feel trapped in supermarkets too. I had gone there to buy honey, and yet I am old enough to remember when me and my mum went to buy honey from a bee-keeper or a cart by the side of the road laden with eggs, fresh vegetables, honey, and sometimes cut flowers. with an 'honesty tin' for the money. It is still like that on many canals I am happy to say. Writing this now, I remember when my mother, brother, and I would cycle, what seemed like miles to my small legs, to buy potatoes from a house along a sandy lane. I found the lack of tarmac fascinating! Perhaps those of us who are now in our fifties and older are the last ones who will remember such ways of being. I understand about feeling trapped in a life that is unfamiliar, and so I hope for the liberation of that little bird.

And so this morning I began my Sunday by getting cold and damp, which leads me to the third blessing; that of hot bath water. I love baths. One of the things that made me reticent to move here was that, even though there is a bath, baths were not had due to strange creakings and bangings in the walls when the bath was filled, as though one might fall into the kitchen which I was reticent to do. Since then that particular situation has resolved itself and I have enjoyed many baths. That was until the water upstairs in our little hedge~hermitage became no longer hot enough for baths; something about water pressure. I have taken to having unsatisfactory showers and immersing myself in the brightness and warmth of candle flames instead. And yet, this morning, hot water! And so, I have had the most wonderfully hot bath, which has warmed me through from the cold and damp ~ and all the better for the contrast between the two.

Whilst in the bath I indulged in my current winter reading; Kathleen Jamie's, 'Findings'. Her writing is so hauntingly beautiful in its simplicity and, no doubt deceptive, ease. I was left feeling that my own writing, and possibly entire life, is fashioned by someone who has much in common with a web-spinning caffeine-soaked house spider. It is both a benediction and a challenge to be reminded so and I have breathed deeply before writing this in an effort to clear my mind of all thoughts of conveying a dozen ideas in a single sentence.

Today, 'Findings' has brought me to tears twice. Once through the description of the beleaguered corncrake, forced by modern farming techniques into its final stronghold in the Hebrides having been present in every county from Cornwall to Shetland less than a century ago as, 'little gods of the fields', “standing chins up, open-beaked, like votive statues hidden in the grass.” (1, p.98) John Clare wrote of corncrakes and would have grieved at their passing. I think that he would have liked the description of them as 'little gods'. This combination of John Clare and the holiness of small brown birds was more than enough to cause tears. The second passage that touched me was Jamie's description of the art of observing and seeing as a “kind of prayer. The care and maintenance of the web of our noticing, the paying heed.” (1, p.109) Like Jamie, I don't pray, in the accepted definition of the term at least, but I do try to be 'prayerful', to make every moment a prayer and a communion with what is sacred. And what is sacred is everything ~ the sun on the sea, a gossamer strand on a hawthorn hedge, a chance meeting with a kindred spirit who was a stranger only a moment before, rot on an apple, a wasp's sting, rust, love ~ all are a prayer. And one of my favourite prayers in winter is the wild and tangled life of the British native evergreen, hedera helix ~ ivy.

My copy of 'The Gardener's Book of Weeds' by Mea Allan, which I found in a skip in Deptford ~ pleasingly fallow and fitting ground to find a book on weeds I thought ~ describes ivy as both 'bad' and 'for burning'. She writes of her father buying a garden, together with 'an incidental cottage', and of attempting to rid the long unused garden of weeds, especially of ivy. “The apex of the long triangular garden, a dense shade under Holm Oaks, was carpeted thick with it, and hardly a tree had escaped its embrace. Shifted on a pitch-fork, pile by pile as we tore it down, the bonfire crackled like a merry Guy Fawkes Night.” (2, p.10) She goes on to say that, “Its method of climbing is by aerial roots which find their way into cracks and crevices...it can be a menace in eating into the mortar of old walls, the weight of its foliage and branches eventually causing their destruction. On the ground its dense growth of impermeable leaves will prevent rain from seeping down into the soil.” (2, p.10) Poor, poor ivy. I have so rarely heard a good word said about it, and have often heard it spoken about with much vitriol, and yet it is such a blessing to the autumn and winter earth. And even its 'destruction' of walls has been disputed in a study by English Heritage who found that, although it might exploit already present holes and cracks, it won't make new ones and will form a 'thermal blanket', regulating moisture and absorbing damaging pollutants (5). Even Mea Allan, who is not truly a hater of weeds but is really not keen on ivy, goes on to grudgingly celebrate that it can be useful in bringing shady corners to life and providing a “substantial windbreak and nesting places for birds, your allies in helping to keep down insect pests.” I look forward to a day when something of nature is valued in and for itself, rather than for the benefit that it might provide to us, but this is something. Even ivy is not all 'bad'.

Far from being 'bad' at all, ivy is a wonder and full of dark and tangled enchantments, which we all need if our hearts are to stay wild and our eyes bright. It would be a sad thing indeed if life became too obvious. Its tenacity is a symbol of survival and determination, of the ability to endure, to tolerate deeply unpromising conditions, and for the benefit of accepting support, all much needed in these austere and worrying days. Far from the popular misconception, also often laid at the feet of the poorest in our society, it isn't a parasite. Rather, it knows how to 'lean', how to embrace, entwine, mutually strengthen, and, if it does appear to pull down, then it is only revealing an inherent weakness not creating the weakness itself. Like us, it returns even if damaged or generally foolhardy attempts have been made to restrict its increase.

Its heart-shaped leaves speak of love, constancy, and protection, an old British name for the plant being 'Lovestone'. Its spiral growth, linked to star constellations and ever-flowing life-force, provides shelter and hibernation space, food, and a pollen source for a wide range of birds, animals, and insects ~ notably food for the caterpillars of holly blue and red admiral butterflies and double-striped pug, swallow-tailed, and yellow-barred brindle moths, together with winter shelter for butterflies such as small tortoiseshell, peacock, painted lady, comma, and brimstone (5). Even their names are a poem and a prayer. In the autumn the adult plants, which can be identified by their less-lobed leaves, produce flowers at a time when flowers are so scarce, to the benefit of wasps, flies, hoverflies, bees, bumblebees, butterflies, and the beautiful ivy bee, colletes hederae, which appears in synchronicity with the growth of ivy and relies almost specifically on its tiny blooms. Indeed, I spent many happy hours last autumn entranced and as delighted as a child in the good company of roadside ivy and surrounded by clouds of butterflies and bees. All the photos here were taken during those times of ivy~bliss. I was often much later home than I had intended. I didn't care. My friend, Colin the Bee-keeper, told me that honey made from ivy-pollen is horrible to eat, and that made me smile although I still long to taste some, just to see.

September 2016 ~ what lovely pollen pantaloons!



When the flowers have ended, green and then black berries appear ~ unobtrusive, calorie rich, often over-looked, and offering a much needed larder for song thrush, mistle thrush, redwing, blackbird, robin, and blackcap, at a time when the brazen berries of hawthorn and rowan are long gone. It matters that the berries appear in November and yet are often not eaten until the depths of winter cold. They are saved, they are needed, and they are special. Like fairytales for our spirit, they are a store of sustenance, this time for the bodies of our feathered kin. There is no rush to consume them. They have been there forever and will be there when needed, unless they are tamed or burned. I can not imagine that happening to either; both are far too subversive for that.

January 2017

The folklore of ivy is rich and ancient, both in this land and in others. In Ancient Rome it was considered a symbol of intellectual achievement and Druids too were said to wrap ivy around their heads to represent clarity of thought. An interesting paradox perhaps when the plant is also, being sacred to the notoriously wild-living gods Dionysus and Bacchus, associated with over-indulgence and intoxication. Perhaps, rather than dry intellect in the form of logic, it brings the intoxication of creative inspiration. Its leaves did after all once form the poet's crown ~ a different sort of 'intellect', a different realm of thought. In writing this I can well see why ivy has become equated with intoxication and madness. My mind, like an ivy helix, has become entwined and attached to so many thoughts and memories; of moments in the wilderness, of bees and summer bliss, of loved ones who have died, the urgency of finding the right words, the sinking into darkness and despair; all have tendrils entwined with the folkloric and metaphoric magic of ivy.

Returning to drunkenness; in Europe an 'alepole', a branch covered in ivy leaves, revealed the presence of a public house selling wine with early herbalists believing ivy to be cure for drunkenness and drinking from an ivy wood bowl to relieve the effects of bad wine. Culpeper states that, “it is an enemy to the nerves and sinews, being much taken inwardly, but very helpful to them when outwardly applied.”(4, p. 104) He recommends the flowers, leaves, and berries being taken, often in red wine, as a cure for anything from the plague to a stitch. He also recommends and decoction of the leaves mixed with rosewater and Oil of Roses as a cure for obstinate headaches when applied to the temples. These days the internal use of ivy is not recommended, as much of the plant is toxic, but the leaves can be helpful when applied as a poultice to ulcers, boils, and abscesses. Always ivy likes to involve herself with the places that many of us shy away from, the places where we might fester, fall, or fail.

Wasp on ivy, September 2016

As for the Greek god, Dionysus, so woven in with ivy; he was said to represent the juice of life, the sap-blood in nature, just as ivy provides through the winter, and so lavish 'orgias', no doubt involving much drunkenness, were held in his honour. Interestingly these were popular amongst women and were disliked by men, who often tried to spy on their activities. There is something so intrinsically of the wild feminine in these unboundaried territories, just as there is in the dark, disordered depths of ivy bushes; ivy being so often linked with femininity ~ the 'Ivy Queen' with her brazenly-berried 'Holly King' (although of course it is the female holly bushes who bear the berries). English professor and collector of carols, Edith Rickert (1871 – 1938), says that holly and ivy carols, dating from the 1400s and earlier, often contain debates about the relative merits of men and women, with holly generally being thought superior! (9) In Athens, against their husbands' resistance, female followers of Dionysus took to the hills wearing fawn skins and ivy crowns and danced by torchlight to the pipe and drum (21). There is something of madness, of lunacy, in the feminine and in the dark twining of her ivy sister. Walter Friedrich Otto writes that, the god-intoxicated celebrants draw milk and honey from the streams. They strike rocks with the thyrsus, and water gushes forth. They lower the thyrsus to the earth, and a spring of wine bubbles up. If they want milk, they scratch up the ground with their fingers and draw up the milky fluid. Honey trickles down from the thyrsus made of the wood of the ivy, they gird themselves with snakes and give suck to fawns and wolf cubs as if they were infants at the breast. Fire does not burn them. No weapon of iron can wound them, and the snakes harmlessly lick up the sweat from their heated cheeks. Fierce bulls fall to the ground, victims to numberless, tearing female hands, and sturdy trees are torn up by the roots with their combined efforts(24), a similar accusation to that levelled at ivy herself! The female, the snake, and the ivy; all complicit in destroying the Garden, or some would say in bringing it truly to life.


That ivy is particularly bound up with Woman is also found in our own folklore. In some places, the last sheaf of the harvest was gathered up, bound with ivy, and this 'Ivy Girl' would be kept over the winter to ensure prosperous growth in the coming year. It is also said to be a bringer of good luck, particularly for women, and a girl carrying ivy in her pockets was likely to soon come upon the man who was destined to become her husband, or dream of him if ivy were placed under her pillow. Both these things seem to be said of so many plants that I imagine young women walked around looking like hedges! Nevertheless, ivy magic is so profoundly enmeshed with that of love. In some versions of the ancient tale of 'Tristan and Iseult', which became popular in the Twelfth Century, the lovers die and an ivy vine grows from each of their graves, inching across the soil one towards the other, until they twine together. These tendrils are repeatedly cut but always regrow and reconnect; a powerful symbol of love even in death.

This depth and antiquity of meaning makes it even more shocking that 'ivy' is one of the words now removed from 'The Oxford Junior Dictionary', along with catkin, brook, acorn, buttercup, blackberry, cowslip, cygnet, conker, holly, and mistletoe (3, p.106), as 'no longer holding any relevance for modern childhood'. So many seemingly evergreen words of wonder and connection lost to our children, unless we cast our own enchantment over them. As Sara Maitland writes in 'Gossip from the Forest', these words, like fairy stories, belong to an 'older forest'. Ivy and fairytales have a lot in common; both are “magical and generous and dark and terrible”(3, p.106), or should be. Ivy, the creator and destroyer, supposed puller down of walls and trees and haven for delicate wings and hungry mouths, shelterer of the vulnerable and the outcast, the dark goddess made evergreen and womb of life in the bleak of winter white. If we let her she can re-enchant the wayside world, and us with it.

And one last aside, an extra blessing for my day, is the memory of my dad telling me the tale of the time that he and his friend, Stan Satch, put a worm down the back of their friend, Ivy's dress at school. I imagine that they had no idea what they were tangling with!

References:

1) 'Findings', Kathleen Jamie, Sort of Books, 2005.

2) 'The Gardener's Book of Weeds', Mea Allan, Macdonald and Jane's, London, 1978.

3) 'Gossip from the Forest: the Tangled Roots of Our Forests and Fairytales', Sara Maitland, Granta, 2012.

4) 'Culpeper's Colour Herbal', ed. David Potterton, W. Foulsham & Company Limited, 1983.

























Thursday, 5 January 2017

On Following Starlight and Listening to a Deeper Song ~ Twelfth Night and Epiphany

'Singing Round the Star on Twelfth Night', Cornelius Troost, J.Paul Getty Museum, Wiki Commons

How easily we let go of the sacred. Tonight is Twelfth Night, and the Eve of Epiphany, which for many of our ancestors, Christian and pre-Christian, was an important night of celebration, of feasting, of starlight, and often of challenging the social order, something that perhaps we have also let go of too easily.

In our commercial Capitalist culture Christmas seems to start as early as September, and is in full swing by the end of October when the plastic Halloween remains have been swept away from the supermarket shelves. Once, Halloween was Samhain, the ancient festival of the Old Ways. Then it was the Christian three day festival of Hallowmas. Both honouring the ancestors and the beloved dead. Now, all thought of the sacred and of honouring is forgotten in the rush to tell ghost stories and paint ourselves with gore. We so often retain the echo but lose the song. And so it is with Christmas, which in Medieval Tudor England continued until Candlemas, a time of purification and blessing of the candles on February 2nd., and again recalling the ancient sacred time of Imbolc with its celebration of the stirrings of new spring life and honouring Brigid, goddess of sunfire and the sacred flame. How deeply and beautifully these resonant threads vibrate through time and shared belief, no matter what that belief might be called. For the Tudors, it was later decided that Christmastide should end on Twelfth Night, and yet even then sacred time continued with Epiphanytide until February. Now it seems that anything with meaning ends with the Boxing Day sales and the beauty of Imbolc has melted away with the spring snows.

Sacred time doesn't care for clocks and no sacred day allows itself to be caged by the limits of twenty four short hours; instead these times are a tide, rising in the land and her people and ebbing and flowing with the rising of the sun and the shining of the moon. And so it is with our winter festivals; of Solstice, of Yule, of Jul, of Christmas, and so many others. In 567CE the Council of Tours declared that the entire period from Christmas until epiphany should be part of the same celebration, Christmastide or Twelvetide. In Medieval England Twelfth Night marked the end of a winter festival that began at Halloween, the time when the Lord of Misrule presided and the world was 'turned upside down', putting away social norms and reminding everyone that the structure of society only continued with the consent of all, from the richest to the poorest. Lots would be drawn by the discovery of a hidden pea or bean in a piece of 'Twelfth Cake'. The winner, whether a peasant or a lord, would rule over the festivities, which often included wild partying and drunkenness, often through the drinking of punch used to 'Wassail' the apple trees, another ancient tradition of this night. The custom was abolished by Henry VIII in 1541 and restored and again abolished by subsequent monarchs. In the 1870s, Queen Victoria outlawed the celebration of Twelfth Night as it was feared that the revelries were becoming uncontrollable. It is so often so with the folk traditions of the common people.

'12th Night Revelers Carnival', Nola, 1884, Wiki Commons

All of this is in some contrast with the observance of the Eve of Epiphany, which falls on Twelfth Night. In Eastern Orthodoxy this is a night of strict fasting, when the devout will not eat until the first star is seen at night. That this night is so woven in with starlight is because in the Christian faith it is the time when the Wise Men, the Three Kings, or the Magi found the Christ child by following the Star of Bethlehem (subversive perhaps that the shepherds saw him first!). But of course Christianity is a faith of the desert and of heat. In our own land, these cold nights are times to kindle the fires and feast in celebration and faith that we have enough to see us through until the spring. It is not a time of denial. And yet, as always, there are resonances between these two ways which join and weave so deeply in our own earth.

For those of us who follow the older ways of hedge and hallow our homes are decorated in evergreens and sparkling lights. It was once believed that tree spirits, of holly, of mistletoe, and ivy, lived in this greenery and enjoyed the shelter of our hearth over the festive season. However, it was important that these spirits were released by burning the green on Twelfth Night to ensure healthy growth in the coming year. This tradition still takes place throughout our land, one much loved event taking place each year at the Geffrye Museum in London, where the holly and ivy used to decorate their period living rooms over Christmas is burned and celebrated with the drinking of mulled wine and the singing of carols. Returning from the fires to starlight, we find the belief that decorations, including the fairylights which represent the Star, should not be taken down before the Eve of Epiphany as the Wise Men might then not be able to find their way. Some may feel this to be an appropriation of an older belief and yet there are so many divisions in our world that I prefer reconciliation; to see that we are all following the same thread of winter light in our own ways. For Christians this may mean following the light of the Star across the desert, for others perhaps it might be in honouring the Star from which we all first had our being and the reindeer tracks followed by our far off ancestors. In The Greenwood Tarot, which vibrates with the magic of the pre-Celtic lands, The Star is one of the primary guides, just as it is in Christianity, and it is the catalyst of the creation myths of the planet, and so the first earth that was ever formed...

From the essence of stars in the universe, the earth was created, and was blessed. The first tree on earth was the silver birch; the World Tree. From the tree emerged its guardian, the first reindeer, the Primal Creatress, who waits until the first light, the dawn of human consciousness, aware of the guidance and blessing of her origins The Star. With an archaic singing, She drums the manifest world into being. First the four elements, the Breath of life, the Spark of life, the Waters of life, and the first land-the Foundation. Then She calls the primal forest, the birds and animals, the first people. She then marks out the first pathway with her own totem, the reindeer. And she will walk forever with all generations, so that they may remember their origins in the stars, and learn wisdom from those who have preceded them.’
(Chesca Potter, 'The Greenwood Tarot')

No, I am no longer interested in the things that divide us, or in claiming what is ours or theirs, only in reconciliation and mending. And it seems that, when we look beneath, there is so little that really needs to be mended, perhaps only a few thinly stretched and fraying strands that need some loving care. All I know is that for so many of us something precious, vulnerable, and new, in ourselves and in the world, has been born in these days. Whether it is the sun or the son, the awesome life-giving power of our solar Mother or the all-too-human fragility of the tiny child, matters so very little. We are all following our own little stars to come into the warmth of its presence as the seasons turn. We all need a thread to follow in the dark and we find it where we may.


''The Pole Star' from The Greenwood Tarot (Artist: Chesca Potter)

And what of the primal Reindeer Mother and her ancient trackways? Perhaps something of her is still to be found in the Mari Lwyd and the wassailing traditions and the Mummers' plays which take place in the orchards and inns of our land on Twelfth Night and in the weeks to come? As the 'Grey Mare' her hoofbeats still echo in the star-filled night. In parts of South Wales, the Mari Lwyd, in the form of a decorated horse's skull, is carried from house to house between Christmas and Twelfth Night bearing the legend that the Grey Mare, the old goddess, was cast out of the Bethlehem Stable on the night that Christ was born to make room for Mary and that must now gain entry to safely give birth to her foal through riddles and trickery.

The Mare-headed Queen, the Mari-Lwyd,
I was mother of all the herds.
Ten thousand years my shining foals,
Bridled with starlight,
Saddled with gold,
Leapt the divide between living and dead,
Quickened the year with each toss of the head,
Galloped the deep of beauty
And never grew old.
Let me in!

But Mother of God, the Mary Mild,
The pregnant Maiden came,
Bursting with Jehovah seed
She entered my stable
And cried out her need.
With ropes I was dragged from the birthing straw,
Aching with foal I was heaved to the door,
Swapping warmth for bitter weather
And birth of a rival creed.
Let me in!”
(From 'Mari Lwyd', lyrics by Hugh Lupton)

'Mari Lwyd', Wiki Commons

I like to think that Mary, who knew so deeply what it was to be outcast and homeless, would not have allowed such a thing but we know too well how the ways of patriarchy try to cast woman against woman. And always those at the bloated centre seek to turn the wild edge-dwellers one against the other. I reject stories such as these and honour all who give birth to the Light in these dark days of winter. And the Goddess is far older than the Virgin.

And so, for those of us who remember the sacred and acknowledge our place as people of the Northern winter lands and its age-old traditions, the Twelfth Night revelries continue; in the Wassail and the HaxeyHood, in the burning of the green and the dance of the Holly Man, in the hoofbeat of the Mari Lwyd. We have nothing to fear from those who follow the desert star, as well as or instead of our own winter-light, and the old ways are not so easily subdued, even on this night when the Three Kings are abroad.

'Holly Man on the South Bank', Wiki Commons
And so to Epiphany on January 6th, the day of the visit of the Kings to the Christ child after this night of bright stars. In Spain it is the main festive holiday, known as El Dia de los Reyes, and Three Kings Parades, or Cabalgatas, take place throughout the country with food being left out by children for the kings and their camels on Epiphany Eve. On the day itself a 'Three Kings Cake', baked in a ring and decorated with candied fruit, is eaten. Hidden inside is a small figure of Jesus and a bean. The person who finds Jesus will be the king or queen of that year's celebrations and the one who finds the bean will buy next year's cake. In England the 'Twelfth Cake' upheld a similar tradition but, uniquely, other items were often included, with whoever found the clove being “the villain, the twig, the fool, and the rag, the tart”. “Anything spicy or hot, like ginger snaps and spiced ale, was considered proper Twelfth Night fare, recalling the costly spices brought by the Wise Men. Another English Epiphany dessert was the jam tart, but made into a six-point star for the occasion to symbolize the Star of Bethlehem, and thus called Epiphany tart. The discerning English cook sometimes tried to use thirteen different coloured jams on the tart on this day for luck, creating a dessert with the appearance of stained glass.” (The Old FoodieHow intimately food is bound up with the sacred. Which brings me beautifully to another aspect of Epiphany.
In Ireland, January 6th is known as 'Little Christmas', and 'Nollaig na mBan' or 'Women's Christmas'. This was the day on which women were able to lay down the hard work of the household which they had undertaken throughout the rest of the festive season, and no doubt all year, and go out to celebrate with their friends, sisters, mothers, and aunts. Children would buy presents for their mothers and grandmothers and women would light candles for every room in the house. There is some wonderful information about Nollaig na mBan in the Irish Times here and The Sanctuary of Women provide a beautiful free online retreat for Women's Christmas here. I think that next year I will make a point of gathering with my women friends for Little Christmas Day.
There is such richness to be found in our traditions, so many threads that join us rather than divide, and yes, we do let go of the sacred and of sacred time far too easily. Tonight I will honour the Star of the East and the desert child and the Star of the North and the reindeer track and, tomorrow, I trust that the light of both will lead me on.


Nights of Reindeer and Starlight (Artist: Wood Hill)

References:
























Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Grief is the Gate

When I am sad, as I am just now, my mind often turns more deeply to Will, my Deptford boy, river man, and broken love, and all that we went through together. It is a blessing to be loved in all worlds but it is also hard to give enough time to grief and the depth of the journey when there is a new someone to love. I am filled with gratitude both for that love and for anything that opens my heart a little more to the grieving, and which gives the space for tears that feed from that deep well. More and more I see the connections that Will made for me, with the heart of the land that he loved and fought so hard to live on in his own way and on his own terms, with music which is where I so often find him, and with love itself. He taught me what meadowsweet tastes like, how to gather and cook with comfrey and three-cornered garlic, how to live on, and listen to, the water, find shade beneath the leaves of butterbur, how to sit quietly with the earth, how to fight for my lifeHe named me 'Honeybee' and we met and he died at Imbolc when the wild swan was flying. I taught him to see the beauty of herons even when he was sad. That kingfishers matter. And I loved him. He was an extraordinary man and I am scarred and blessed by my relationship with him and by his passing. I am grateful for it all. I see how this life that we have built around us conspires to shut down our hearts and I know more and more that that is what I must write about; the brokenness and the mending of our disconnection with the Land, which is our deepest love and our deepest loss. Will understood and is in so many ways my guide. Grief keeps my heart open. Grief is the gate.

Let us honour all our beloved dead, who take us to the edge and invite us to step through, and the beloved living, who hold the thread of our return.

"There are those, however, that are not frightened of grief: dropping deep into the sorrow, they find therein a necessary elixir to the numbness. When they encounter one another, when they press their foreheads against the bark of a centuries-old tree...their eyes well with tears that fall easily to the ground. The soil needs this water. Grief is but a gate, and our tears a kind of key opening a place of wonder thats been locked away. Suddenly we notice a sustaining resonance between the drumming heart within our chest and the pulse rising from the ground"

-David Abram

(Image: Kelly Louise Judd https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/swanbones)




Friday, 23 September 2016

Autumn Equinox Small Beauties

An early walk down to the sea and taking a bus along the coast. Such a feeling of stillness and a breath held. A beautiful pause to dream in.
The wide, wild open spaces of Romney Marsh and the shingle beach; flat, empty, seemingly reaching on forever.


entranced by the faraway sea, silver light spinning shimmers across the shallows, rich mudflats of toffee and cinnamon ripples, the small dots of sea birds in the distant blue. This world of salt and shallow, so much hidden in this landscape that might like you to believe that it has revealed everything.





Ice Age shingle beaches, a sprinkling of shells and different kinds of seaweed ~ one that looked as though it was made of felt that I didn't believe was real until I saw its sister in the shallow water, small treasures to be found everywhere if only I remembered to force my eyes away from the wide silver-blue to the ground beneath my feet.







the warm wood of the boardwalk and the small lichens who have made it their home. the unexpected texture of sea kale ~ so much to learn about this new kind of green, and the face of a tiny stone-spirit found in a beach pebble. 





So much that was unfamiliar and which I long to learn about. And the absolute silence so loud that I could almost hear the song of the Salt Mother. Almost.


The buzz of my friend's coffee morning, full of people who felt that they held the warmth of community; good conversation, plots and plans woven, much laughter, sweet truffles put in a little box to take home to Himself, and Victoria Sponge for me. My favourite!!
Bright sunflowers against clear blue sky.


The familiarity of the intimate beaches of home. Nothing wide and wild there, except the sea, the sea and the black of our night-sky cormorant.
The coolness of the woods on a hot, hot day, and the continued stillness of Equinox; looking up in awe of the tree people who grow there, the air filled with tiny fairy-like light beings, the Equinox sun now and then bursting through a gap in the trees and making the leaves glow golden.





Finding a gathering of tiny, tiny mushrooms in the park.


Good conversation and sharing with Himself on a walk high above the, by then, darkening blue sea; white wave tops and the most stunning view of France, which I have never seen so clearly. We talked of our ancestors looking out across the waves and seeing this mysterious land of chalk cliffs and green hills that appears and disappears, seemingly like magic. No wonder that our folklore is full of such tales.
A hand lick from a shy ginger cat and then from a very unshy little dog.
A tray of far-too-abundant-for-one-man apples on a wall freely shared with passers by. I left a little thank you note and the apples were delicious. What a magical day for the sharing of apples!


The most perfect Autumn Equinox in this new place.